In God's Time...Not Mine

23 Adult Truths

2011-12-13T16:03:00.001-06:00

These made me laugh out loud so I thought I would share:

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Lots of updates

2011-08-17T10:50:00.008-05:00

July 10th was a big anniversary for our family, Brandon has been home with us for 2 years! He loves singing and dancing and he has started making up stories, his imagination is just amazing. He will turn 3 tomorrow and we had his birthday party last night. He was a bit overwhelmed by all the attention but enjoyed his presents and playing with his friends. I also just signed him up for gymnastics and he starts preschool 2 times per week in September.

July 10 was also a big deal because it was the day I found out I was pregnant (#4)! Shocked but excited at the same time as we had just started trying. Because of my past pregnancy history I started going to get my levels checked right away. Things started off really well but, 2 weeks in, they sort of stopped. I went in for an ultrasound and they could only see an empty sac measuring 5 weeks 2 days but I should have been almost 6 weeks. So, we waited a few days and repeated the u/s but nothing had changed. We were devastated again and I was/am so mad that I have been pregnant 4 times but have only given birth to one healthy baby. The next day I had a D&C (again) and 2 weeks later we found out that, based on the chromosomal analysis, we were pregnant with a baby girl. Yes, I needed to know but I think I knew even before they told us the news. So, now I have 2 baby girls in heaven. Will I ever get to parent one here? No one knows the answer to that but I have to wonder. So, now we wait at least 2 months and then we can start trying. I am really trying to adjust my attitude and just focus on the future, no looking back. It works, most of the time. I have 2 healthy wonderful boys that need my attention, love and care here so I cannot wallow in "what ifs".

And, as most of my readers know, August is a another month of big anniversaries. My baby girl would have turned 5 on August 9th. I cannot believe that it has been 5 years. She would have been starting kindergarten tomorrow so that is really hard for me. I miss her terribly and think about her every day. August 10th was also the 5th anniversary of her passing which is always a hard day that was a little harder this year because Patrick was away at a conference in Florida.

On the baby note, I am now the proud aunt of a super handsome baby boy! My sister gave birth to my first nephew August 11th. Teagan James came into this world very dramatically but he and my sister are doing well now! I head home in 6 days with Mr Ryan to meet him and I cannot wait to snuggle him!

I will post more about B's 3rd birthday in a separate post! Look for that coming soon! I promise.

It's been a while, sorry!

2011-06-30T22:07:00.004-05:00

Wow, it's been a while since I have posted an update on the kids. Sorry, I really need to make more time to document their childhoods, they are growing up so fast!

Brandon is almost 3 (in August) and is so smart, funny, polite and helpful (most of the time)! We are currently trying to potty train him but that's isn't going so well.

Ryan is 15 months old and has really started to talk! He HATES to be told "No" and LOVES to be outside.

Here is a recent video I captured of Brandon "reading" one of his favorite books, "5 Little Monkeys"! Enjoy!

I promise I will be better at updating my blog but, for now, I leave you with the pictures and video and I am going to bed. I need to get some rest before my Curves boot camp at 6am!

God Gave us Two

2011-06-10T20:45:00.004-05:00

Let me just start by say, before any rumors get started, I am NOT pregnant! (at least not right now!) ;-)

I recently read a book that I absolutely love (and so does B)! "God Gave Us Two" by Lisa Tawn Bergren is such an awesome book for children who are going to have a baby brother or sister! B is already a big brother but he asks me to read this book to him over and over again. And, when I finally tell him we are finished reading it for the moment, I catch him "reading" it to himself.

The story continues from "God Gave us You" with Little Cub now expecting a little brother or sister. She has a lot of questions and finds the answers from her parents. I love the message of this book and the *surprise* ending is fun too (spoiler alert - Little Cub gets a baby brother AND a baby sister)!

I received a copy of this book from WaterBrook Multnomah in exchange for my honest review.

The 60 Minute Money Workout by Ellie Kay

2011-04-08T12:32:00.004-05:00

I recently received a copy of this book from WaterBrook Multnomah in exchange for my honest review.

It has taken me a while to get through this book, mostly because you are supposed to do a chapter each week and there are quite a few chapters. Partially because it is hard to sit down and look at your spending habits and know you need to make some difficult changes.

The basic idea of the book is that you spend an hour each week looking at and working on your finances. This book would be great for someone who really doesn't do that sort of examination on a regular basis. A lot of the points made by the author and the advice given wasn't new to me, but the 1 hour a week concept did force me to sit down and focus on my finances more than I normally would.

I do think this book would make a great starting point for someone who is just starting to try to figure out their finances. For someone who already does, it might give a few new ideas or areas that they may need to add.

**I received a free copy of this book from WaterBrook Multnomah in exchange for my honest review. **

The ABC's of me!

2011-03-08T22:17:00.005-06:00

I am totally stealing this from my blog friend, Jenny!

A. Age: 34 (35 in 12 days)

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you dislike: Emptying the dishwasher, folding clothes

D. Dogs: Not really a dog person

E. Essential start to your day: I get up so early now because my son is a very early morning person. I guess I would have to say my essentials are my comfy couch, the Today show and a good cup of coffee

F. Favorite color: Red

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: 5'4

I. Instruments you play(ed): Piano

J. Job title: Mom

K. Kids: 1 baby girl in heaven and 2 little boys here with me

L. Live: Nebraska

M. Mom’s name: Florence

N. Nicknames: Jen, Rosen, honey, mommy

O. Overnight hospital stays: Had eye surgery when I was 2.5 and have had 2 c-sections

P. Pet peeves: Clothes/things smelling like cigarette smoke, mean people

Q. Quote from a movie: Because I can't think of another one..."Lieutenant Dan, ice cream!"

R. Righty or lefty: Right

S. Siblings: 1 sister, 2 years younger

T. Time you wake up: Whenever Ry does

U. Underwear: Yes

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Not a huge fan of peas, hate mushrooms, greens, lima beans

W.What makes you run late: My kids

X. X-rays you’ve had: Dental, wrist, back, knee, ankle, foot, HSG

Y. Yummy food you make: Homemade lasagna, sauce and spaghetti noodles (oh and triple chocolate brownies)

Z. Zoo animal favorites: Penguins

Please pray for an old friend of mine

2011-02-20T07:00:00.006-06:00

I have a friend from high school who desperately needs our prayers. K was pregnant with twin girls and not due until April 1st but had to deliver the girls early due to a very bad infection. After the twins were born healthy, K was diagnosed with influenza A which had infected her heart. She had to be transferred to a different hospital and is now on an ECMO machine that is working for her heart and lungs.

Would you please pray for complete healing for her heart and lungs? In addition to the twins just born, K and her husband also have 2 little girls at home. Would you please pray for K's family, especially her husband and the girls?

Thank you so much,
Jen

ps- Would you please pass along this prayer request if you have a prayer chain or something similar? She needs a lot of prayers right now.

An amazing story - Sara Tucholsky

2011-02-13T07:37:00.002-06:00

We saw this video at our regional conference and it just brought me to tears.

What an incredible story, these young ladies did this just because it was the right thing to do.

Amazing!

Tastefully Simple

2011-02-12T22:25:00.005-06:00

Did you know that I am a Tastefully Simple consultant? Those who know me best know that I LOVE all of our yummy, easy to prepare products!

I just got home from our regional conference in Kansas City and I am so excited to share all the new Spring/Summer products with you! If you want to party with me just pop me a message! The first week in March is the BEST time to hold a party because you can take advantage of 2 selling seasons. Yes, that's right. For one whole week you can purchase any of our going-away Fall/Winter line AND our brand new Spring/Summer products!

If you want more information about our easy to use, make-you-look-like-a-rock-star-chef products just check out my website (click there or here) or email me at tastefullyjen(at)netzero(dot)net.

I had a blast at our conference but I am tired and going to sleep! Good night and happy shopping!

Women of Faith

2011-02-02T18:31:00.004-06:00

Have any of you ever gone to a Women of Faith conference? If so, you know how absolutely amazingly awesome it is, it's life changing!

I am so excited that the Women of Faith Over the Top conference is coming to Omaha in August! Yes, just an hour away from where I live!

I am going to organized a group of women like I do every year. If you are in the area and would like to join us, contact me! If you don't live near Omaha, you can click here to find a conference near you!

Our Adoption Story

2011-01-27T21:51:00.010-06:00

For those who have been around a while I apologize for the repeat. I am linking up with Kelly's Korner and this weeks "Show us your life" is Tell Us Your Adoption Story. So here is mine.

My story starts with my first pregnancy. My baby girl was born back in August 2006. Her name was Madelyn Rose and she was born full-term after a very long labor that resulted in a c-section. Everything went from happy to absolutely devastating the moment she was born. She had very serious birth defects which were the result of a genetic condition called Pfeiffer Syndrome Type II. She was whisked away to the NICU while I was being sewn up. About 3 hours after her birth and a very negative CAT scan of her brain (she had very little brain tissue), Patrick and I made the hardest decision of our lives and removed her from the ventilator. We took her back to our room and held her until she passed away the next morning.

It was a very hard recovery process both mentally and physically and a year later we found out that we were expecting another little one. Around 7 weeks I started spotting and went into my doctor's office "just to be safe". I had an ultrasound and they could see no baby, just a mass of cells. Again the wind was knocked out of me and time just blurred together as we started talking about mutant cells, cancer and a D&C. I had my D&C on Patrick's 29th birthday and waited anxiously for the results. They came back in a couple weeks as a Partial Molar Pregnancy which is where 2 sperm fertilized one egg at exactly the same time. It results in 3 sets of genetic material which is why the cells went crazy. I had to monitor my levels until they went to zero and then we had to wait 6 months from then to try to get pregnant again.

We started trying again for a few months but weren't able to get pregnant and it was starting to take it's toll on me. There wasn't anything wrong with either of us and we were still within the normal time frame for the "average" couple to get pregnant but it was so overwhelming. We started to feel God's call to adopt. We both always knew that we would adopt, we knew before we got married that adoption would be part of our family plan. What we didn't know was the timing of when we would adopt. We thought it would be after we had our biological children, but God had other plans.

So, in September 2009 we submitted our application to adopt a baby from South Korea. We were open to some minor medical conditions so only 6 months later we saw our handsome son's picture for the first time. B was perfectly healthy but had just recently healed from a broken arm so he was considered to have a special need. We just knew he was our son and, after waiting the obligatory 24 hours, we excitedly accepted the referral.

The next few months were filled with a lot of preparation and paperwork and by early July 2009 we knew we were getting close! Early July was also the time where I started to feel a little off. I wasn't sure what was going on so I took a few pregnancy tests and they came back negative. I was a little late but we were trying to NOT get pregnant per the adoption agencies guidelines. The morning of July 9th I awoke early and couldn't get back to sleep. I slipped quietly out of the bedroom and took another pregnancy test. I sort of knew something was going on but was COMPLETELY shocked to see a faint 2nd line. I wish I could say I was overjoyed but my first reaction was fear.

We weren't supposed to get pregnant while in process and our son wasn't home yet, I was worried they wouldn't let us adopt him. I ran downstairs and called my mom in tears. She was overjoyed and I remember telling her that I suspected we would get our long awaited travel call that day. I'm pretty sure I woke P up at that point and told him our news. He was still home at 9:30am when our phone rang and it was our social worker telling us our son, B, would be escorted home to us in 3 days!

Brandon came home on July 10th and our son, Ryan, was born March 8th. They are a little over 18 months apart but arrived into our family only 8 months apart. It has been a wonderfully busy time and I wouldn't trade it for the world. My two little boys are my world and I love them both so much. For those who may be curious, I feel exactly the same about both boys regardless of how they became mine!

What's next for our family? I am not exactly sure. I would love to get pregnant again but would also love to adopt. God hasn't revealed his plan for what's next just yet but I know that, whatever He wants for us, He will provide a way!

I Heart Faces - Innocent Wonder

2011-01-25T15:29:00.004-06:00

This is my first time entering a photo in the I Heart Faces challenge. When I saw the theme I immediately thought of this photo.

Click on their badge below to get more information!

Anatomy of a one-sided snowball fight

2011-01-23T19:09:00.005-06:00

Take one adorably bundled up 2 year old

Add in a cute 10 month old brother on the inside of the window

A little scheming with Daddy

And a quick snow ball making lesson

Look out Ryan, here it comes!

Ready

Set

Throw!!!

Good thing there's glass between us!

The final results is one very pleased 2-year old!

Now for something completely different!

2011-01-19T18:43:00.005-06:00

I thought I would lighten it up on my blog and just answer some fun questions! So here you go!

Are you a morning or night person?
I am naturally a night person. I would rather be going to bed than getting up at 4am. Since having kids I guess I have become a morning person (Ry likes to get up at 5am)! Can't wait until they are teenagers so we can all sleep in until noon.

Which do you prefer, sweet or salty foods?
I have an enormous sweet tooth! Although there is something to be said for the sweet salty foods like chocolate covered pretzels and the new M&M pretzel things!

Are you a collector of anything?
I'm not a huge collector...the only thing I would say I collect are the JCPenney snow globes they give out on black Friday every year. I have one for every year back to 2001

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
I'm not sure if this counts as a superpower but I would love to be able to teleport so I could go home and see my family any time I wanted

What's your favorite color?
I love the color red but I LOVE to wear black

Do you believe in extraterrestrials or life on other planets?

I'm not sure but I am definitely scared if there is

Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes, although Patrick probably just cringed when I wrote that because he doesn't.

Ever been addicted to a video/computer game? Which one(s)?

Right now I love to play scrabble and angry birds. A few years ago I was obsessed with Dance Dance Revolution (and lost a lot of weight doing it) and then after that it was Lego Star Wars and Lego Indiana Jones

You're given 1 million dollars, what do you spend it on?

I would pay off my house, Patrick's car and student loans and buy myself a minivan. Put some money into the kid's college funds and then give some to my family to help them

List 1 thing you wish you could change about yourself

I wish I had more self-confidence and wasn't so hard on myself

Any tattoos or piercings?

Just pierced ears. Although I would love to get my tongue pierced and get a tattoo.

What's the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?

Their teeth

Are you mostly a clean or messy person?

I used to be a clean person but have learned to live in more of a mess since we have kids

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Within 30 minutes of my parents

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Hawaii or Italy

List 5 goals on your life's to-do list

Graduate college (check)

Get married (check)

Have children (check)

Jump out of an airplane (check)

Run a marathon

Name 1 thing you miss about being a kid

Having no adult responsibilities

What's your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon?

Take a nap

If you could have 3 wishes granted, what would they be?

1. To win a huge amount of $ in the lottery

2. That my kids will live a long healthy life and die of old age when they are 100

3. That my husband and I will live a long healthy life and die of old age when we are 100

If you are still with me, thanks! Have a great night!

Nostalgia

2011-01-15T10:11:00.010-06:00

**If you are visiting here from Comforted by God, welcome! And a big thanks to Carrie for highlighting my blog on hers. If you haven't read her blog, check it out here. She is a beautiful child of God and an amazing writer. I wish I could write the way she does.**

For some reason Maddie has been on my mind so much lately. I thought I would re-tell her story through pictures, I hope you don't mind. If you want to read her whole story click here.

The beginning: 12/27/05 - We're going to have a baby!

Starting to show! (I have a ton of pregnant belly pics but I will hold back and just post 2)

Almost there (one week before she was born)

In labor - look how excited we were. I'll call this picture the "before"

This is in the NICU - my first time holding her. This is the "after"

Our little peanut on her vent

Daddy holding her for the first time. This one just breaks my heart.

Soon after this picture was taken we removed her from the ventilator and took her back to our room where she lived through the night, saw the dawn of a new day and passed away in my arms only 14 hours after she was born. Again if you want to read the whole story go here.

2 years after we lost Madelyn we began the adoption of our son, B. The story of his adoption starts here.

The day were got the long-awaited travel call that B was coming home we were surprised to find out that I was expecting. R's story starts here.

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Designer Blogs

2011-01-10T22:12:00.004-06:00

A while ago I won a free blog make over by Designer Blogs (Check them out here). They were so great to work with and I love my blog design! They are having a huge giveaway in celebration of their 2nd anniversary. If you have a blog you should go check them out!

God Gave Us So Much by Lisa Tawn Bergren

2011-01-05T20:40:00.006-06:00

I recently found out about this awesome program with WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group where, in exchange for an honest review, I get free copies of books! This is my first book review, so I hope I do it well!

The first book I chose is actually 3 books in one...how great is that? God Gave Us So Much by Lisa Tawn Bergren is actually made up of 3 different books: God Gave Us the World, God Gave Us Love and God Gave Us Heaven. I really liked all 3 books, although I think my 2 year old is still a little young for the amount of words and details in each story. In each story a polar bear named Little Cub learns about God during conversations with her mother, grandpa, and father.

In God Gave Us the World, Little Cub learns that God created this great big world full of very different places, cultures, and people. She learns that God is able to do big things and that we should appreciate and take care of the world that God created.

In God Gave Us Love, Little Cub learns that God created us to love one another, even when we don't always want to. Her grandpa teaches her about the different kinds of love that God gives us (between a husband and wife, friends, etc), and that by loving one another we are actually showing just how much God loves us. One of the best parts of this story is the explanation of "faith" her grandpa gives when she questions how we know God loves us when we can't see God.

In God Gave Us Heaven, Little Cub learns from her father about how wonderful heaven will be. Her father uses a bridge (Jesus) metaphor to explain how we get from this world to heaven which is such a neat visual for little kids. This story handles what could be a very tender topic very well and thoughtfully.

In each of these stories, there is room for more details of God and the bible to be added. They are very "open," and do a great job talking about God's creativity and imagination. They don't just tell kids exactly how God is with no room for further discussion. Instead, they invite kids to think for themselves about what God is like. In my opinion that makes them a great starting point for me to talk to my children about God. I cannot wait until my son gets just a little older and can really start to understand this book (again, it is a bit above a 2 year old's comprehension level). This is definitely a book that will stay in our library for a very long time!

2010 recap

2010-12-31T21:58:00.005-06:00

This year has gone by so quickly! I just want to take a minute to remember all the good things that happened in 2010:

My cousin, Amy, came to stay with us for 3 short months (Jan - Mar) to help out during the end of my pregnancy and then after Ryan was born

Ryan came screaming into the world on March 8th (and hasn't stopped since)!

My mom was able to be here for Ryan's birth

I turned 34 in March

Brandon's adoption was finalized in April!

We took our first road trip to Kentucky with both boys in May and they got to meet our awesome family at Patrick's family reunion

We celebrated Brandon's first gotcha day on July 10th

We took our first plane trip with both boys at the end of July to see my family in PA

Both boys saw the ocean/spent time on the beach in August in Ocean City, NJ

Brandon turned 2 in August

Patrick turned 32 in October

Brandon took 2nd place in his age division at our town's Halloween costume contest

Patrick flew to Pensacola on Oct 31st and then he and my mother-in-love made the long 2-day drive back here

My MIL moved half-way across the country to be closer to us and her grandsons (ok I know it's mostly the grandson's)!

We had a great Thanksgiving with the Elliott family (and the Elliott family's aunt/sister's family)

We flew back to PA with both boys at the beginning of Dec and the boys and I were able to spend 2 weeks with my family! (unfortunately Patrick had to fly home after only 3 days due to a death in the church).

Had an awesome Christmas with my MIL and the boys

Just had a great dinner and fellowship time with our friends, Val and Jim and my MIL to celebrate the New Year!

Whew, that seems like a lot in one year, but it was great! I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us in 2011, maybe another little blessing...we'll see!

Christmas morning (in pictures)!

2010-12-25T10:54:00.007-06:00

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T22:48:00.004-06:00

The boys are both sleeping, less than 2 hours until Christmas! It will be Brandon's 2nd Christmas with us and Ryan's 1st! I am excited to see B open all his presents tomorrow! Ryan will probably not get it too much but I'm sure all the paper and excitement will make him happy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!

Check out my new pictures!

2010-12-04T16:40:00.003-06:00

I am doing something for the first time. It's been 4 years since my baby girl died and I have never posted a full facial picture of her on my blog. Why? Well I guess I just wasn't ready to share her. I was also afraid someone would be shocked by her deformities and say something awful. So, please don't. She is my beautiful girl and I just wanted to share her with you.

Love,

Jen

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

2010-11-23T08:50:00.006-06:00

I LOVE Christmas!

I always dreamed of sending Christmas cards with my children's pictures on them. When I was pregnant with Maddie I couldn't wait to send our first photo card. The Christmas after she was born and died I didn't send out any Christmas cards because I was *supposed* to be sending a card with her beautiful picture on it and I couldn't, it just didn't feel *right*. (I actually didn't send any for the next 2 years either)

Last Christmas I finally got my wish and was so excited to send our first family photo Christmas card. I cannot wait to order our cards for this year with pictures of both of our boys!

Needless to say I was so excited when my blog-friend Adrienne posted on her blog that Shutterfly is giving 50 free cards away to bloggers! You can sign up here. They are such awesome cards, so many good ones to pick from, I am having a hard time narrowing it down! Look at all the cute holiday cards here!

I love their Christmas photo cards, they are so unique and different from the ones I was looking at in the stores, check them out here.

I also LOVE their custom wall calendars. Shh...don't tell anyone because they may be on Santa's list for the grandparents.

And, although we aren't having a big Christmas or New Year's Eve party, how cute are these holiday invitations?

There is so much more on their website so check it out!

I can't wait to decide and see the finished product! I'll let you know which ones I pick!

Fun pictures I've edited

2010-10-04T21:02:00.003-05:00

I do not claim to be a professional but I have been having fun on picnik.com!

Enjoy my work!

Ryan hanging out at the shore - July 2010

Froggy Ryan (1 month old)

Mommy & Ryan at Women of Faith

Brandon's first glimpse of the ocean

Cowboy Brandon

Brandon's 2nd Birthday party (Elmo theme)

Brandon on his 2nd birthday

Sorry I've been quiet, here are some pictures!

2010-09-19T22:24:00.009-05:00

I know I haven't been around much but I've been a little busy with 2 little boys!
Here are some pictures from our recent photo shoot!

Madelyn Rose

2010-08-12T21:41:00.006-05:00

I just realized that I never told the full story of my first-born baby girl, Madelyn Rose. It all started in December of 2005 when I found out I was pregnant, we were going to be parents! We were beyond excited as were all our family and friends. This baby was going to be the 1st grandchild on both sides of our family and both our mom's were so ready to be grandmoms (well a Nonna and a Mimi but you get the picture).

My pregnancy was uneventful and I enjoyed every minute of it. We had an ultrasound early on to help confirm the due date and then 2 more at 13 and 16 weeks pregnant. Everything looked great so there was no reason to have another ultrasound. On August 8th we had dinner with good friends and I wasn't feeling well. I was so uncomfortable and went home and took a nice warm bath. I went to bed that night and was excited when I slept for 1.5 hours straight (by this point I was getting up every hour). When I stood up to walk to the bathroom my water broke. It was so loud that Patrick heard it! We went to enough of the birthing classes (yes, we dropped out after the first 2) to know that if my water breaks we just head to the hospital. I was only 37 weeks and 1 day along so we weren't really prepared and ran around throwing stuff into a bag! We arrived around 3:00am and immediately went up to L&D and got hooked up to all the monitors. The baby looked good and the contractions were coming along.

They weren't really painful so by 8:00am we started an IV of pitocin which increased my pain so much that by about 11 or so I was ready for the epidural! After that was placed things didn't really progress any quicker and I think I ended up stalling at 7cm dilated. Around 4 or 5 they did an ultrasound to find out why I wasn't progressing and that's when they first told us there was swelling in our baby's head. I started to freak out but my OB said that it could just be because the baby couldn't fit out and had been pressing on the bone for too long. He said we could continue for a while but he was pretty sure I needed a c-section. So, we decided to just go ahead with the surgery and within an hour I was being prepped and taking into the OR.

As soon as I was told I needed a c-section I started to panic a bit. I just wanted everything to be ok with my baby and was starting to worry that something was wrong. The surgery began and it all seemed normal. I have watched enough labor and delivery shows on TV to sort of know what to expect. All of a sudden a haunting silence came over the entire OR and someone said that she was born but nothing else. There was no cry, no words. Patrick stood up to see her and he was pushed back down. I'm not sure exactly what happened after that. I know I was just crying out "she's not crying, why isn't she crying?". Crying out over and over again. Patrick told me that eventually he was brought over to where she was and was told that she was very deformed. He told them he didn't care, she was his daughter and he wanted to see her now.

He left the OR and followed her to the NICU while I was mercifully sedated for the remainder of the surgery. I woke up in recovery with Patrick in front of me, crying and telling me that our daughter was very sick. I asked to see her and they told me I had to wait, that I could see her after I calmed down and my blood pressure was better. Um, no...there would be no waiting for anything so they wheeled me down to the NICU and I was able to see my precious Madelyn Rose. She was on a ventilator and her face was very deformed. Her eyes were protruding out of the sockets, she had swelling in her cheeks and the top of her head was very elongated but she was MINE. My beautiful, first-born, much loved, very desired baby girl. Born Aug 9, 2006 at 6:30pm: 7lbs, 13oz.

I'm not sure the exact order but, at some point they said they wanted to take her for a CAT scan of her brain. Before they took her away Patrick baptized her (he's a pastor) and prayed over her. They took her down for the test and we went to a room to wait. While we waited a few doctors came in including a geneticist to tell us their suspicions about her condition. He was fairly certain that Maddie had a very rare condition called Pfeiffers Syndrome Type II. He said that it happened when she was conceived and it was just a random thing, nothing I did or didn't do caused it. He also said that words that I pray I never have to hear again, her condition was "not compatible with life". Those words are the most haunting words a mother could ever hear about her child's condition.

After she came back from her CAT scan we were told that it showed very little brain tissue and her prognosis was grave. We decided to remove her breathing tube and just enjoy any time we could with her. She actually cried a little when the tube came out and that was the BEST sound I have ever heard. We took her back to our room about 9pm and just took in our baby girl. A photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came a little before midnight and gave us the most amazing gift, pictures of our new family of 3.

There were many times during the night that Maddie would quit breathing and I would put my hand on her chest and rub her and call out her name. The nurses kept telling me to get some sleep but I didn't want to miss a minute of time with her still with us. She survived the night and saw the sun come up on a new day. At some point during the night I actually started to think that maybe she would survive (remember I had been up for over 30 hours by this point so I was a bit delirious) and we would get to take her home. After shift change, my new nurse wanted me to take a sponge bath and had a NICU nurse come in to hold Maddie while I did so. It was during this time that Maddie stopped breathing for the last time. The nurse brought her over and said that she had taken her last breath about 10 seconds earlier and her heart was still beating. I took her and held her tightly. We got Patrick and he and I just held her and each other until she was gone. It was very peaceful.

I have so much guilt that I wasn't holding her when she took her last breath, even now 4 years later. I held her all night long and the 10 minutes I wasn't is when it happened. It still hurts so bad that I wasn't the one holding her at that moment. As I type these words I just can't believe how torn apart I still feel. I really hope that I can eventually move past it and forgive myself.

After that things really get blurry. They took her away to be cleaned up, get foot/hand prints as well as have blood and photos taken to document her condition in case the suspected diagnosis was proven wrong and they would need to figure something else out. After all that was done we were able to see her again.

I was in the hospital for 3 days and came home without my little girl. The funeral director actually came when we were ready to be discharged and he walked out with her one way while we walked out the other. On one hand it made me feel better that we were leaving at the same time but, on the other hand it completely stunk that she wasn't leaving the hospital with us.

The next few days were filled with lots of phone calls and lots of family flying into town, making arrangements for her memorial service and cremation and a lot of tears. The pastor from my home church in PA flew all the way out here for her service and he was a great source of comfort for me. Her memorial service was beautiful but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted her, here, with me.

I had a lot of anger and was very bitter for a long time, I was supposed to have my baby with me, I was supposed to be a mother, she was supposed to LIVE. I had a perfect pregnancy, we were going to be great parents, what did I do wrong to deserve this? These were all the thoughts that ran through my head on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. I have reconciled most of them at this point and although I wish she was here and miss her so much, I am in a much better place and finally able to talk about it without completely breaking down.

If you are still with me then thank you for listening to her story. I know I am missing many details but I hope I have remembered the important ones. I know I am not the best writer but I hope that I have honored her memory with my telling of her story.

4 years

2010-08-10T15:19:00.002-05:00

4 years ago today I held my baby girl as she quietly slipped from this world to the next.

I sit here snuggling with Ryan wondering about and missing her so much.

Happy 1st Gottcha Day Brandon!

2010-07-10T23:30:00.014-05:00

Today is a BIG day for our family!

One year ago today Brandon was placed in our arms and we became a family of 3! I will never forget that day, it was one of the best days in my life. The anticipation, the joy, the love, the unknown all combined together was the most amazing, exhilarating feeling in the whole world.

It is so hard to believe that a year has gone by so fast! Brandon is doing so well, he loves to give us hugs an kisses. He is a sweet sensitive boy who, although he does naughty things, feels so bad after he does them. He LOVES his little brother and is so helpful with him. In the past few months Brandon has really started talking up a storm and some of the times we can actually understand him! He loves to sing and will find anything to make into a microphone and just sing away into it!

This day also makes me think about the family he left in Korea. His foster family took such great care of him and really prepared him to so readily accept and love us. We will forever be grateful to them and know how hard it was for them to say goodbye. We want to bring Brandon back to Korea to see them again one day. There is so much I want to say but it is late so I will just leave you with some pictures (which is why a lot of you are here anyway)! :)

B on the 4th of July

Singing into the "microphone"

His first pony ride at the zoo

He smiles all the time EXCEPT in pictures. But Aunt Janice was able to capture a smile!

One of little brother - Ryan @ 4 months old!

It's official!

2010-04-12T21:44:00.004-05:00

We went to court today to finalize Brandon's adoption, he is LEGALLY ours! AND he is now a US citizen!

Our family

2010-04-01T14:33:00.006-05:00

Here are pictures from our recent photo shoot!

He's here!

2010-03-15T22:11:00.007-05:00

I am proud to announce that our second son, Ryan James, was born on Monday, March 8th at 7:55am.

Here he is!

He weighed 8lb 10oz, 20 3/4 inches long and is just PERFECT! All 3 of us are in love with him! Brandon is such a good big brother and always wants to hold Ryan. He loves on him and gives him a lot of hugs and kisses, it is so cute!

One year ago today

2010-03-05T22:12:00.001-06:00

One year ago today I was standing in the baby department of Target when I got a phone call from Holt. They had the file of a waiting child and wanted to know if we wanted to see it.

Of course I said yes, hung up the phone and tried to call Patrick. He was in Fremont visiting someone in the hospital and didn't answer. Finally, in what seemed like forever, he called me back and I excitedly told him the news. We both waited, separately for the email to arrive and it finally did (by this time I was in Sam's club). I forwarded it to Patrick and we both opened the pictures to see the cutest little baby boy!

We both hurried home and were finally able to open up the rest of the files including his background and medical info. We forwarded everything on to Dr Kolb (Holt strongly urges you to get an IAPs medical opinion on all waiting children and wait to accept the match until you have talked to one) and waited for his call.

That came on the morning of the 6th and Patrick excitedly called to tell me the good news Dr Kolb had shared with him and then we called Holt to tell them this was our son! We had a bunch of paperwork to fill out and then we had to wait over the weekend until Monday to hear back that we were officially matched!

So, considering my c-section is on Monday, March 8th, we will have gone from zero to 2 kids in almost exactly one year! What a blessing from God! I am so thankful tonight for both of my sons and can't believe I have known of Brandon for an entire year now!

Another piece of good news came today! We have a court date of April 12th to finalize Brandon's adoption! It will be legal, he will become a US citizen and he will be ours forever (as if he wasn't already)!

My mom arrives tomorrow so, unless this baby decides to come in the next 17 hours, she will be here to celebrate with us!

Ok, I'm tired and heading to bed. Good night!

18 month old and 1 week to go

2010-03-01T21:39:00.004-06:00

I know I have been very quiet lately, sorry! I am still pregnant and getting rather uncomfortable at this point. Today marks 38 weeks and 1 day of pregnancy, only 1 week until my scheduled c-section! My bags are mostly packed, the baby's bed is set up and his clothes are all washed! I REALLY wanted this little guy to wait until March to come and I got my wish. Now all I wish for is that he will be healthy!

We went to our last visit at the perinatologist on Friday and the baby is looking great! They did a biophysical profile (BPP) and he scored 8 out of 8. He is in the 65th percentile for weight (approx 7lbs 7oz at this point) and looks great. His kidney measurement is still higher than "normal" but still in the mild range. It looks like his official diagnosis is Hydronephrosis Grade 1 and he may need a scan before or soon after he leaves the hospital.

By the end of each day I really start to feel horrible, my back begins to really ache and I start to get more contractions but nothing serious yet. If nothing happens before it, we will meet this little guy on Monday the 8th, my c-section is scheduled to start at 7:30am and we will need to be there at 5:30! :) Early day but I haven't been sleeping great anyway.

Brandon is doing great! He had his 18 month well check last week and the doctor is pleased with his progress in language. We had to do some sort of assessment (I think for autism) of his verbal/word recognition skills and he scored in the "not a concern" range for everything! Yay! He is talking more and more; he now says "Hi', "Daddy", "Mommy", "Me", "No", "Amy", "Backpack","Oww" (what he calls the cats based on the noise they make) and has imitated "Thank you" once.

He is a very loving baby who gives tons of kisses especially when you are giving him something he wants, I think it is his way of thanking us. I really hope that he will adjust well when his little brother comes home and that he is ok with me being gone for 3 days. He will get to come visit me but he is such a momma's boy that I know he will really miss me and I will miss him!

Ok, here is a picture of me at 36 weeks 2 days (2 weeks ago). It was taken with my cell so not the best but you get the idea!

Ok, I need to go lay down! Will update when he comes!

Baby # 3 update

2009-12-30T13:56:00.012-06:00

I haven't updated much on baby # 3 due in March. Things are going pretty well. I am now 29weeks, 3days along and the baby is measuring perfectly in the 40% percentile at about 3lbs.

We have already had 5 ultrasounds so we have a lot of pictures of the little guy. Why 5 ultrasounds you may ask? Well, we had 2 at our regular OB and 3 so far at the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist (or perinatologist). We went to see her for the first time about 18 weeks along and everything looked ok. One measurement was a little "on the border" so we were asked to come back at 26 weeks to check on everything. The measurement was of the renal pelvis which is part of the kidney. If you think about the kidney itself as the branches and leaves of a tree then the renal pelvis is the trunk of the tree. It is actually where the urine is stored before it travels down to the bladder. Well, the measurement of this is important and should be less than 4mm. At the 18 week ultrasound one kidney was right at 4 and the other was under. When we went back at 26 weeks the 4mm kidney was now at 7mm and the "normal" kidney was at 4mm. We went back yesterday and the 7mm kidney is now at 7.4mm and the 4mm kidney is now at 6mm.

What does all this mean? Well, we don't know. It could mean nothing and it's just something particular with our little guy that will go away on it's own before birth or shortly afterwards. It could mean that he has something called reflux where the urine refluxes back up to the renal pelvis from the bladder (much like stomach reflux). It could mean a lot of other things that I'm not supposed to worry about right now.

The doctor is telling us not to worry; that we are just going to keep an eye on it right now. 4mm-10mm is considered a "mild" case so he is falling in that range so far. The plan going forward is to monitor this measurement so we will go back at 34 weeks and then 38 weeks (one week before delivery) to check. He will probably need to be scanned in the hospital after birth to see a better view of this (it is harder to see the full picture through my belly). If he does have reflux we will need to see a pediatric urologist and the baby will need to be on a low does of antibiotics for his first year to prevent infection. Hopefully any kind of surgery will be unnecessary.

We are praying that this is nothing and resolves on its own by birth. Will you please join us in this prayer? Like I said the doctor is telling us not to worry but, seriously, how can I NOT worry. I do have a peace that everything will be ok but still worry given our history.

Other than that one anomaly, the baby is looking great. I have now had two 3D ultrasounds done and can tell you that he is a very handsome boy who looks like his dad. His Dad, by the way, does not want to see the 3D pictures so I will not be posting them for you to see. [sorry!]

Here is a video of the baby moving his mouth (you can also see his heart beating) as well as a few pictures!

Thanks for your prayers!

Christmas Day

2009-12-25T21:53:00.008-06:00

We were stuck inside today due to 8" of snow coupled with 45 mph wind gusts. The result was snow drifts up to waist high in some areas and lots of roads closed. We really didn't have any plans anyway so it wasn't that big of a deal. Brandon did great for his first Christmas home although he really had no interest in opening any of the wrapped presents. There were 3 things unwrapped and he just kept going back and forth between each of them. He got a battery-operated 4-wheeler (from Aunt Janice), a tool bench (from Mimi) and a kitchen (from Nonna and Poppy)!

Here are a few pictures and a video from our day, enjoy!

Before:

After:

Brandon on his new 4-wheeler:

Playing with his new kitchen:

His new tool bench (that matched Daddy's big new tool bench)

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T21:58:00.001-06:00

I know I have been quiet lately, I will try better in the new year! For now, please enjoy some pictures of our little ~~man~~ Santa!

From our family to yours, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-04T12:43:00.007-06:00

I'm not too sure that Brandon actually understood Halloween this year but we (Mom and Dad) had a great time! We bought his Halloween costume back in May when we were in Tallahassee with the Erde family, yes we were a little anxious!

Friday morning we got a call from a friend asking if we were going to the Wahoo community Halloween parade. We had forgotten all about it but made arrangements with him to meet up. So at about 4:30 we dressed B up in his cute costume and headed to the Civic Center.

Here he is!

One of the best parts of the night was the costume judging, Brandon came in 2nd place for the 0 and 1 year olds!!!! He got a balloon and a cash prize!

On Halloween night we went to Grandma Virg and Grandpa Rex's house first and hung out there for a while.

Here is B going up to their house (his first house for trick-or-treating).

He did ok until it got dark and there were tons of people dressed in costume everywhere. He started to melt down and we went home...maybe next year he will understand it more and enjoy it as much as mom and dad! :)

Pictures of Madelyn

2009-10-21T14:14:00.011-05:00

Because I am missing her so much today and most of you have never gotten the chance to see her, I am going to share some pictures of my first born baby girl, Madelyn.

She had pretty bad facial deformities that I'm not sure everyone would be comfortable seeing so I will save some pictures for another time (maybe).

Here she is:

My first time holding her:

Daddy's first time holding her:

It's been a long time!

2009-10-16T22:14:00.009-05:00

I bet you were all wondering where I went. The past couple of months have just flown by and so much has been going on. I don't think I have blogged about this yet but, we are expecting baby #2 in March! Yes, Brandon is going to be a big brother at the tender age of just 19 months. This newest addition to our family was a very big surprise, but very welcomed! I always joke that God must have a big sense of humor!

Brandon is doing so well! He has really bonded with both Patrick and me; we are just so in love with him! I mean, come on, wouldn't you be?

He brings joy to each day, we just love spending time with him. He started walking about a month ago and has just really perfected the skill! Everyone said that we would question why we were so anxious for him to walk but actually I love it! I don't have to carry him everywhere and, he was into everything when he wasn't walking, so it's pretty much the same.

Another new development is that we have moved to the new house! Yes, it finally went through and as of Sept 11th we are the proud owners of a bigger, better house! I love the new house, all the bedrooms (3) are on the same floor and I have a formal living and dining room. PLUS I have a huge eat-in kitchen! Yay! The family room downstairs is where you can find us most of the time. We have the TV there plus the office and a play area for Brandon. It's great!

Today we went to the perinatal specialist to make sure everything looked good with the baby. It went great! I am 18 weeks, 5 days and the baby is measuring perfectly!

Oh, by the way, it's a BOY!!!! Yes, that's right...I am going to be the mom to 2 boys under the age of 2! Yikes, I will be busy! I am over the moon that everything looks good with our little baby boy and just love the doctor we went to. We are going back when I am almost 27 weeks along to check in with the little guy and make sure everything is still looking good. We have such great doctors who totally understand our worry and fear and are doing everything in their power to help us through this pregnancy.

I am feeling pretty good, the first trimester was a little difficult with morning sickness. Actually mine was at night but I guess it's still call morning sickness! :)

The final update is the blog itself. Did you notice I have a new look? I was lucky enough to WIN a blog redesign and we just finished all the changes last week! What do you think?

Ok, that's all for now!

Happy 1st Birthday Brandon!

2009-08-18T22:15:00.005-05:00

Happy 1st birthday Brandon!

We started off the day with a new tradition, the birthday donut! Brandon and I walked down to the bakery in town and got him a donut (his first)!

Here he is enjoying his donut!

Later that day Mimi, Brandon and I headed into Omaha to pick up some last minute things for his birthday party. We had a Korean birthday cake made for him at this Korean/Japanese store in Omaha.

Here is the cake

The raisins on top say "Happy 1st Birthday" and it looked great! I have to admit that it didn't taste like anything, not good or bad, just NOTHING! It was crazy but it was an interesting thing to have as part of his first birthday party! Don't worry we also had a Dairy Queen ice cream cake for the party guests and Brandon had his own little cake.

On the menu, besides non-tasting cake, was seaweed soup, 2 different kinds of Korean dumplings, fruit trays, chips, punch, and Korean cookies/treats!

Here are pictures of the table.

One of the first things we did at the party was to conduct the Toljabee event. We set up a table with different items on it and Brandon picked the items that he was attracted to. It is believed that the child's future is predicted according to the what he grabs. The first and second items the he grabs are considered the most important.

Here is a list of the items:

bow and arrow: the child will become a warrior

jujube: the child will have many descendants

book, pencil, or related items: the child will become a successful scholar

rice or rice cake: the child will become rich

ruler, needle, scissors: the child will be talented with his/her hands

knife: the child will be a good cook

For the record Brandon picked the jujube first and the rice cake second. So he will have many descendants and will become rich! (Or, as Patrick and I figure...he was hungry!)

Another tradition we honored was having Brandon wear his Tol Bok (Tol is the name of the 1st birthday party).

Look how handsome he is

After eating all the yummy food we sang "Happy Birthday" and had cake.

Let's just say that Brandon enjoyed his cake

After that we opened presents and then said good bye to all our very generous friends! It was a great day and we were so glad he was with us to celebrate this 1st of many!

1 month and 3 years

2009-08-10T22:21:00.004-05:00

I feel like I should blog tonight but I don't have a lot of energy so this will be short. Today is a very sad day for me. My precious baby girl died in my arms 3 years ago. My heart just hurts when I think of all the things we have missed over the past 3 years; her first tooth, her first steps/words, seeing her become a toddler and not a baby anymore. I wonder what her personality would be like, would she be a calm child or a little monkey like her brother? No mater how many more children we have she will always be my first and today will always be a hard day.

I have to admit that the day was easier with Brandon to distract me, although he wasn't exactly in a great mood all day. Speaking of Brandon today is also a big day for him; he has been home with us for 1 month! Time has just flown by and, although we still have a ways to go, he has just made such tremendous progress adjusting to a whole new world.

Ok, that's all I can do tonight. Today is just too emotional and I don't have the energy to write all my feelings down (nor do I have enough tissues in the house).

Good night!

Computer is up and running!

2009-08-01T22:31:00.006-05:00

I know I have been quiet for the past couple of weeks but, only a few days after Brandon came home, our computer died. After many calls to tech support and 2 on-site visits I finally have my computer back!

Brandon is doing so well, everyday just gets better! Here's what has been happening since my last blog post:

* Turned 11 months old

* Gotten 2 new teeth (total of 6 now)

* Decided he LOVES his baths now

* Doing so much better during diaper changes

* Eats just about everything (except baby food peas)

* Just tonight he let me brush his teeth and didn't want me to stop

* He is sleeping well (in our bed, not his crib yet)

[Goes to bed between 9 & 10; up for a bottle about 5 then back to sleep until 9 or 10]

* He doesn't have much patience and gets frustrated easily

* Still loves his yellow blanket but I had to wash it yesterday and he was ok with that

* Loves going for walks in his stroller

* Had his first haircut and HATED it

* Went to his first parade and liked it

* Met the governor of Nebraska (see pic below)

His Nonna (my mom) has been here since last Friday and we are loving her being here. Such a huge help, we will all be sad to see her go on Wednesday.

Here they are meeting for the first time:

Enjoying lunch time:

Meeting the governor of Nebraska:

Computers and catch up

2009-07-16T23:38:00.002-05:00

I bet you all thought I had forgotten about you! Our computer died and, after many hours on the phone with tech support it has finally been determined the our computer is beyond phone help and a computer tech will need to come out to our house to fix it! Frustrating because it is only 8 months old!

Brandon is doing well and it becoming more comfortable day by day! Last night he shocked us by sleeping from 10:30pm until 10:30am only waking once for a bottle and diaper change! We were very happy but don't want to assume the same will happen tonight! We can hope though.

He eats anything we give him but will only sit in his high chair occasionally (and only if we do not buckle him). Don't worry, we don't walk away while he is in it. He loves to take walks in his stroller (we took 3 today-good exercise for me too!). He still hates his baths and diaper changes but will sort of hold still while screaming like we are hurting him. I feel so bad but it is a necessity so I just try to talk to him through it.

We have had some visitors and Brandon has done so well, mostly staying close to me or Patrick. Our good friends Megan and Sean came over last night we their daughter Hannah (who is 3 months older than B). The kids did pretty well playing but I think Brandon scared Hannah at the end by grabbing at her.

I would post pics but I need to get our old computer up and running while we wait for the new one to get fixed. Our old one is on its last leg but at least it has a leg (more than I can say for the new computer)! Hopefully I can find some time to get that going tomorrow but, happily, my time has been spent doing much more fun things lately!

More later!

Monday

2009-07-13T20:45:00.008-05:00

I am still here...sorry for being quiet yesterday! It is so hard to get down to the computer (hmmm I wonder why)?!?! :)

Last night was a lot better then the first two but I'm not sure it will continue tonight. Little man slept from 11:30 until 2:00 and then again from 4:00 until 11:00. He slept in bed with us and that seemed to work for all of us.

He is outside doing yard work with Daddy and Mommy is skyping with Nonna and trying to get a blog post up.

Ok, I'm out of words for now...here are some pictures (that's what you care about anyway right)?

Papa holding Brandon for the first time

Us with our escorts (Lisa and Jenna)

Brandon with Papa

And one more video from our first night:

Our little man

2009-07-11T13:57:00.004-05:00

Well, we are home and (sort of) rested. Brandon had a rough night but is now sleeping (and has been since 8:30am). It was really hard for us to see him so scared and sad. To know that there was nothing that we could do to take away his pain, all we could do was just be with him. This morning when we got up he was playing peek-a-boo and smiling so that made me happy.

What I know so far...

**He HATES getting his diaper changed (I cannot stress enough how much he hates it)

**He will pretty much eat anything we give him. So far he's had rice, a french fry from Chick-fil-a, cereal, cheerios and sweet potato puffs (Gerber).

**He will not let us put him down when he is sleeping. I held him from 8:30 to 12:30 and Patrick relieved me and still has him.

**His foster mother and family LOVED him a lot; tons of pictures and an awesome diary that she kept for him. It's in Korean so we will have to get it translated some day!

**He is just the most amazing baby I have ever seen in my entire life. I still can't believe I get to be his momma, I am the luckiest woman in the world!

Here is a video from last night:

Gotcha Day

2009-07-10T23:31:00.003-05:00

8:30am -- Woke up after a not so great night of sleep. Checked flytecomm and saw that Brandon's plane is directly over Nebraska! Should land in Chicago in about an hour!

10:06am -- Korean Air flight 37 has landed at Chicago O'Hare Airport!

12:00pm -- Just left the house! On our way to Des Moines. I am excited and scared, still doesn't seem 100% real. We packed too much but that's ok, we are prepared.

12:49pm -- Entering Iowa

3:00pm -- At the airport. Waiting... 1.5 hours until his flight is scheduled to arrive. Still doesn't seem real but I'm excited.

3:33pm -- Brandon's plane takes off from Chicago!

3:45pm -- Greeter (Trish) arrives with son, sign some papers and wait!

4:32pm -- Flight 7161 from Chicago arrives!

Gotcha Video

Adoption Timeline

2009-07-10T14:25:00.004-05:00

2008
9/29 - Submitted app to Holt
10/17 - Fingerprinted by State
10/21 - Sent 1st set of HS paperwork
11/10 - Sent 2nd set of HS paperwork
12/1 - 1st call from our SW Bonnie
12/9 - 1st home visit
12/11 - 2nd home visit
12/22 - HS approved; sent to HQ

2009
1/6 - HS rcvd by HQ; officially waiting
1/9 - PIP I & II classes
1/10 - PIP III & IV classes
1/12 - I-600A sent to USCIS
2/26 - I-600A re-sent to USCIS
3/5 - Referral through WC!!!!
3/9 - Official match date
3/17 - Mailed acceptance paperwork
3/31 - Legals received
4/1 - I-600 sent to USCIS
4/13 - EP submitted in Korea
4/18 - PIP V
4/24 - EP granted
5/4 - Fingerprinted by USCIS
5/14 - I-600 approval
5/18 - NVC In
5/20 - NVC Out
5/22 - P3 sent to Holt-Korea
6/19 - Visa Physical [date listed in paperwork, not known at the time]
6/26 - Visa Interview
7/7 - Received travel call
7/10 - Gotcha day!
8/12 - 1st Post-placement visit
10/14 - 2nd Post-placement visit

2010
1/13 - 3rd Post-placement visit
2/17 - Recieved Consent to Adopt paperwork
3/4 - Lawyer filed paperwork with Saunders Co Court
3/5 - Recieved court date - April 12th

Brandon is coming home!

2009-07-07T19:08:00.004-05:00

We got our Travel Call today (9:32am to be exact)!!!

Brandon will arrive in the US at 10:35am on Friday (7/10) in Chicago. Then he will catch a flight to Des Moines, IA at 3:35pm and arrive at 4:39pm!!!

He will not be flying into Omaha like we had hoped but Des Moines is only 2.5 hours away so it won't be too bad (I hope)!

We are both so excited and still in a state of disbelief that this is actually happening! We cannot wait to meet him!

Praying for safe travels for our little man!

Brandon's Room updated video

2009-07-06T19:05:00.010-05:00

I thought it would just be easier to make a video of Brandon's room so, here you go!

Enjoy!

Video courtesy of Anna Gottschalk

ps - since I know you want to know, no travel call yet...

Blog Hop

2009-07-03T09:06:00.004-05:00

Welcome to my blog! After 2 unsuccessful tries at starting a blog, it appears I have finally succeeded! This blogs started as a way to document my life as a pastors wife (failed), then to document my life as an expectant mom (failed - details to come) and finally a way to document all the steps we had to go through to adopt our son from South Korea!

I am married to a Presbyterian pastor and we live in a small town in Nebraska. When we got married, we both knew it was part of our family plan to adopt but we tried to start our family the good old fashion way first. In 2006 we lost our daughter due to complications from a rare disorder 14 hours after her birth. We had no idea she was sick and were just devastated. After another unsuccessful pregnancy (different problem this time) we decided to stop trying for a while and sought to adopt from South Korea.

God is good! He not only cleared the way for us to adopt but he brought us our son just 2 months after our home study was completed. We are just days away from the long awaited call with news of our sons arrival in the US!

Thanks for checking out my blog, I hope you will stay awhile and get to know us!

Jen

We finally have VI!

2009-06-25T22:38:00.006-05:00

After almost 5 weeks of calling and hearing "no, P3 hasn't been returned yet" I finally heard the news we have been waiting for. Brandon's visa interview is scheduled for 1:00pm tomorrow (June 26th). The best part is that is almost right now, as it is already tomorrow in Korea! This is the final step before making the travel arrangements and I couldn't be happier!

To answer a couple of questions I have been getting:

1. No, he doesn't actually have to go to an interview. I believe that some people in charge of the visas sit down with all his paperwork and make sure that it is all in order. At the end of it, he should be issued his visa!

2. It could still be another week or two before we get the much awaited travel call. Our agency needs to find an escort and arrange travel for him so it may take them a while to get all of that complete. I hope and pray that it doesn't take them long, next Tuesday would be nice! ha ha...if only I could request when!

More news as I hear it!

Jen

News, Laptops, Prayers and Help

2009-06-22T21:43:00.006-05:00

Just wanted to pop in to say that we have no visa news yet...boo! :-(

On a similar and scary note, 3 families on the Holt BB just had their travel calls put on hold because their little babies are sick. Please pray for their little ones to get better soon. I also ask for prayers that my little boy will stay well and get his visa soon!

Another adoptive mommy is hosting an amazing giveaway/adoption fund raiser. If you would like to be entered for a chance to win an Apple MACBook Laptop, please head over to Sunnymama's blog! Good luck!

My baby is 10 months old!

2009-06-18T21:32:00.007-05:00

Today Brandon is 10 months old! It is really hard that he is still not here with us. No news on the Visa front yet but I am praying it will be soon!

I am borrowing this from a fellow blogger and adoptive mommy because it is just so perfect for how I am feeling right now (thanks Rach)!

May you be safe while you are waiting

May you be safe and sleep soundly
through the night
May you be safe as you wake
in morning light
May you feel our love
from so far away
May it comfort and protect you
throughout the day

We will pray for you, our little one
Until our time of waiting is done
We will pray that the Lord
will keep you safe from harm
Until the child of our hearts
becomes the child in our arms

- Anonymous

This is my prayer for you tonight, little man. I cannot wait until you are here in my arms. I really hope you will be home with your Papa and I soon!

Love,
Mama

Baby shower (March 21st 2009)

2009-06-17T21:08:00.013-05:00

I just realized that I never blogged about the baby shower my family and friends gave us when we were in Pennsylvania back in March.

It was an impromptu shower as we had received Brandon's referral less then 2 weeks before our trip but it was so AWESOME! Lots of family and friends came to help us celebrate! Special thanks to my Mom, sister Janice, BFFs Laura and Sharon and everyone else who helped plan such a special day! Sharon made these cute gift bags with lots of Korean goodies in them (we didn't get picture of the finished product but they were so thoughtful and cute)!

Here is the cake my mom had made (yummy Costco cake!):

And the "spread":

This bib was so cute (and true too)! It was part of the enormous gift given to us from my cousin Steph and her husband Dan and her daughter Kate. To say that Steph and Kate went crazy in Gymboree and Target is an extreme understatement! My family is just the BEST (and not just because they spoil my son!)

Me with my God-daughter Isaballa (left) and her sister Arianna.

Brandon's first Phillies shirt from his Aunt Missy!

OK, I won't bore you with the extremely long list of loot that Brandon scored! :) Ha ha! All I can say is a big THANK YOU to everyone, you guys are truly the BEST!

You may have noticed that there are NO pictures of Patrick! Poor Papa was sick in bed with what eventually became pneumonia so he didn't get to enjoy any of our shower! :-(

Up next...picture of Brandon's room!

No news, but a new picture

2009-06-03T14:16:00.006-05:00

So I have nothing new to report but we did get an updated picture of Brandon!

Here he is at 9 months old!

May WBC

2009-06-01T20:19:00.002-05:00

We received Brandon's 9 month well baby check today! He is just over 18lbs and is 27 inches long! He is in the 10-25th percentile for weight and the 25-50th percentile for length.

In addition to the 2 bottom teeth he had last month, he now has 1 tooth on top! He is standing but not walking yet...we are sort of hoping that he can wait to take his first steps when until he gets here!

No more news on WHEN he will come home. If you could, please pray that it is soon!!!!

Moving?

2009-05-30T15:18:00.001-05:00

Sorry I have been so quiet lately, we were on vacation in Florida and just got back on Wed night!

On Thursday we put our house up for sale and already have a showing today and tomorrow! It is such a crazy time right now waiting for Brandon to come home that we thought it would be fun to sell our house and move! Ha!

Seriously, there is a house in our town that Patrick just fell in love with when we moved here 4 years ago. It recently went up for sale so we are trying to sell ours so we can buy this other one. The thought of leaving this great house we live in now does make me sad but I am ok with trying to sell ours and just see what happens.

We have been going crazy packing up the clutter and organizing the house! I will be glad to sit down and rest tonight!

On the Brandon front we are nearing the end. Travel call could come in days, weeks or months (hopefully NOT months). In the time we were gone on vacation his I-600 made its way in and out of the National Visa Center and to the embassy in Seoul! The embassy has sent his P3 to Holt-Korea which is a list of things they need them to return to get his Visa issued. We are not sure how long it will take them but are praying they send them back quickly!

Ok, need to get back to cleaning!

9 months old and EP!

2009-05-18T17:57:00.005-05:00

**Update**

I just called the National Visa center and we are logged in!! I tried to wait until tomorrow to start calling but I just couldn't stop myself!

*****

Happy 9 month birthday baby boy! I'm sorry I can't be with you but hopefully soon!

Yes, today my little man is 9 months old and I cannot wait to celebrate with him. Big things have been happening lately and I am so overwhelmed. When I emailed Lisa at Holt that we got our I-600 approval she informed me that Brandon has actually had his EP (Emigration Permit) since 4/24! Woo hoo!

So tomorrow I will start calling NVC to see if they received the I-600 approval and once they process it, everything we need to bring him home will be in Korea.

Praying that this goes QUICKLY!

Jen

I-600 and a new picture

2009-05-16T16:09:00.004-05:00

Yesterday we received a great surprise! We got a picture of Brandon and his foster mom with the care package we sent him! Yay, he got it! Because of the picture layout I couldn't easily crop his foster mother out (I don't think we are supposed to post their pictures) so I just blurred out her face. I am so excited to have her picture to be able to show him who and how much he was loved while we waited for him to come home!

And then today in the mail came great news! Our I-600 has been approved (5/14) and has been sent to the National Visa Center. Only a few more steps and then it will be sent to Seoul. This is a big step and moves us so much closer to getting him home!

Praise God, He is the only thing keeping me from going crazy during this waiting period!

Never been so glad to be fingerprinted!

2009-05-04T12:53:00.005-05:00

We just got home from the Omaha USCIS office where we were (finally) fingerprinted for our I-600! I have been waiting for this day for over a month and am so glad it is finally here. Now we just need to wait for the I-600 approval (I am told it will take 2-3 weeks). I am praying we are on the short side of that wait (or even a little earlier, 3 days would be nice! ha!).

So, after we get the I-600 approval then USCIS will send it to the National Visa Center (NVC) and we will be logged in and out of there. NVC will then send our approval to Korea!!! Please join me in praying for a quick processing of all of this, the sooner this gets to Korea the sooner this baby will be home in our arms!

We leave for Florida in 16 days!!! I can't believe it and I can't wait! So much to do between now and then but I know we will get it all done. The most trying of which is that I must get a bathing suit! Yikes! I don't think the people in Florida are ready for my pale self in a bathing suit on the beach! :)

Besides that nothing too much exciting around here, busy getting the house ready for Brandon and trying to get a garden planted. For those who know me, a garden is probably the last thing you would expect from me but I am trying to save some money, eat better,etc. and I figure a garden would be a good start!

We are almost finished decorating Brandon's room and I will post pictures once it's finished!

Update: I just got an email from Lisa at Holt with Brandon's 8 month check up! Woo hoo! He is "cute & fine" and is still pretty tiny! 27.2 inches long and 17.6 lbs!!! He has 2 lower teeth and is crawling and walks with holding! Ugh...I need him to be here with ME! I want to be there for all of this, I am missing so much in his little life, this is so hard!

Behind the scenes...

2009-04-24T21:52:00.004-05:00

Did you ever wonder what is going on behind the scenes to get our son home? Well, instead of an original post tonight. I thought I would copy part of the Korea Guidebook so you can see what is going on while we wait for "the call".

************************************************************

From the Holt Korea Guidebook:
After we receive the acceptance papers from the family, we Fed-Ex them to Korea. These documents indicate to Holt-Korea that the adoptive family has accepted the child assigned to them.

After Holt-Korea receives the acceptance papers from the adoptive parents and the child’s family registration is in order, the next step is to get government permission for the child to leave Korea for the purpose of being adopted by a family overseas. The Holt-Korea office first applies to the Ministry of Health and Welfare for an Emigration Permit. After the Emigration Permit has been received, Holt-Korea applies to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs for the Travel Certificate. The Travel Certificate is similar to a passport; however, it is good for only a one-way journey out of Korea.

Each child must have a visa physical examination. This can be done any time after Holt-Korea has received the acceptance papers from the adoptive family. It must be done before the Holt-Korea office can apply for the child’s visa at the US Consulate. Children are given their visa exam at the Holt-Korea clinic, but must also be examined by a doctor appointed by the US Embassy.

After the Travel Certificate is issued and the visa physical examination is completed, Holt-Korea can then apply at the US Embassy for a US visa for the child. The Embassy examines and approves the family to adopt based on the I-864. They also check to see that USCIS has issued their approval of a visa (I-600) for this child and family. It usually takes a couple of days for the visa to be issued.

Many parents assume that, when the USCIS issues a visa approval for a child, he/she will be home very shortly. This misconception is common since the USCIS visa approval process is the only part of the process that adoptive parents are involved in. Please note that there are two Korean Ministries and a District office that your child’s paper work must pass through before it reaches the US Embassy. At the US Embassy, visa approval by USCIS is the last item checked. Visa approval by USCIS is the icing for a cake that also has to be mixed, baked and cooled prior to spreading.

When all the child’s papers are in order, he/she is ready to travel! Most children from Korea fly home to their new families by “Holt-Korea Escort.” When the child is ready his/her name is then put on a preflight list. He/she usually leaves the country seven to ten days later.

About a week before the child leaves the country, the actual flight list is made up. Holt-Korea will inform Holt International headquarters in Eugene of the date and time of the child’s flight. A few days before the child’s departure, the child is seen by the Holt-Korea doctor for a pre-flight physical.

On the day of the flight, the foster mother brings the child to the Holt-Korea office three hours before the departure time. The child is seen by the doctor for the last medical checkup. A new outfit of clothes is provided for each child. A wrist band with the child’s name, case number, gender, and date of birth, and the family’s name are put on their wrist. The worker prepares diapers, powdered milk formula, extra clothes and extra bottles for the flight bag for each child.
It is finally time to leave. A circle is made with everyone present: the children, the foster mother, sometimes the foster father, foster siblings, the caretakers, the child’s social worker and the escorts who will take care of the children on the flight. The Holt-Korea staff prays for the children, their caretakers, and their adoptive families.

Then the children are taken by the Holt van from the Holt-Korea office to Seoul’s Incheon Airport accompanied by the escorts and a Holt social worker, leaving behind the foster mother or child care workers who are waving, crying and praying for the children as they leave for their new families in a new country.

************************************************************

So that's all that has to happen before Brandon arrives home! Ha!

Just thought you might like to know!

Happy 8 month birthday!

2009-04-18T15:29:00.004-05:00

Brandon is 8 months old today! How I wish he was here and I could celebrate with him, it is so hard to have this precious little baby, who I already love so much, so far away from me.

Today Patrick and I went to our PIP V class which was pretty much a review of PIP I-IV...except with more families. Nothing too interesting except it gave me a good opportunity to brag about my little man to all the other moms and dads!

So that is all that is going on here, just wanted to keep you all informed!

EP

2009-04-15T10:43:00.003-05:00

I only have a few minutes but I wanted to just let everyone know that there is progress being made! I got an email from Holt that Brandon has been submitted for his EP (Emigration Permit), woo hoo! Approval takes 3-4 weeks so we should get both his I-600 and EP approvals by mid to late May!!! Please continue to pray that each step of this process goes smoothly and we get our approvals quicker then anticipated!

An award and an update!

2009-04-06T22:54:00.007-05:00

I just found out that I got a blog award, thanks Sunny Mom!!!

For this award you are supposed to list 7 random facts about yourself and pass it on to 7 other people. Since I'm not 100% certain 7 of you even have blogs, this should be interesting! :)

1. I am a mother without a child, my daughter Madelyn died in my arms in August of2006 and her death was the HARDEST thing I have ever been through in my life

2. I love my husband so much, he is so amazing! I couldn't have gotten through the past 2.5 years without him

3. I am married to a pastor; God has a sense of humor!

4. I have won $500 and a Wii from contests on the internet

5. Even though I hate writing my feelings down I have a blog

6. I miss living close to home and wish HERE was closer to THERE

7. I was a math major in college and worked as a systems engineer for 8 years until we moved to Nebraska. Now I only work 3 days/week at an insurance agency!

And now to pass on this prestigious award! :) And I do realize that there are only 4 of you but all the rest of my blog followers don't keep blogs! :)

Lauren @ The Holy Lands

Mary & James @ Heart and Seoul

Rach @ In His Hands

LuAnn @ Daily Grace & Mercy

Ok, now onto the update!

I have been a little stressed out because we hadn't heard from USCIS about our fingerprints. I emailed the Omaha USCIS office last night and heard back from someone before noon today. She informed me that our fingerprint date is May 4th! I freaked out a little at this point because that is almost an entire month away. I prayed (a lot) and tried to calm myself down. Well, God always has a way of reminding me that He is in control so not even an hour later I got an updated medical report for Brandon (his 7 month Well Baby Check)!!!!

He is doing really well and is on track, developmentally, for a 7 month old. He is 26.5 inches long and weighs 17 pounds. According to the US height/weight percentiles he is between the 10th and 25th percentiles for both! He's a tiny little guy and so stinking cute! The WBC says that he has 2 bottom teeth erupting and he is shy to strangers! I can't wait to love on him, he is just the most beautiful baby I have ever seen!

We just got the April monthly update from the Holt Korea program and they are moving along matching families in the regular program! As part of the update they defined some of the steps that need to happen before we get the much anticipated travel call so I thought I would share some of them here:

P3-The packet that Holt-Korea submits into the Embassy for the one way travel visa. This packet contains; I-600, I-864, birth/marriage/divorce certificates of adoptive parents, 1040, W2,legal document of child, vaccination certificate, visa physical examination, medical acceptance letter (if needed), photo of child and IR4.

VI-Visa Interview (there is not a actual visa interview with the child)

Visa Physical Exam-this is done once a month by an outside Doctor and is usually done after EP

NVC log-in-National Visa Center has received your approved I-600 from your local USCIS office and has logged into their system

NVC log-out-National Visa Center has sent your approved I-600 to the Embassy is Seoul

EP-Emigration Permit

I600-Holt-Korea does not need your approved I600 until the very last stage of the process (submitting your P3 into the Embassy). Your I600 will only have an effect on your travel time if one, you delay in filling once you receive your Legals, or two, if USCIS needs additional paperwork once you have submitted or if they are back logged therefore it takes them awhile to approve the form.

Whew! I know that's a lot but did you catch the last one???? "Holt-Korea does not need your approved I600 until the very last stage of the process" Praise God that the step I thought was THE ONE we were waiting on is actually not. There are other things taking place at the same time!

Praise God!

New Pictures of Brandon (7 months old)

2009-03-19T17:06:00.011-05:00

I got a surprise in my inbox today...7 new pictures of Brandon! These were taken on his 7 month birthday or the day after, look how big he is getting. Isn't he cute?

Here he is in a little furry suit:

And here are some pictures of his left arm (the one that had been broken and in a cast).

What a great early birthday present to me! I am SO in love with this little boy!

Last trip home before Brandon arrives!

2009-03-18T21:47:00.003-05:00

Today is Brandon's 7 month birthday! Happy birthday little man, I hope you had a great day! We got donuts tonight and sang happy birthday to you.

Patrick and I arrived in PA to visit friends and family for 2 weeks. Well, I will be here for 2 weeks but Patrick has to go back in just 1. On the way here I was thinking about how different it will be the next time we fly here, with our little man!

Tuesday morning I mailed off all the acceptance paperwork to Holt so they will hopefully get it tomorrow or Friday. I'm not sure of the next steps but I know that they will let us know. Mary with Holt is just awesome. She is so quick at responding to email and gets into the office so early! She called me last week at 8:30am my time which is only 6:30 in Oregon! Yikes!

We had to fill out the official adoption form, I864 and I864A forms, provides copies of our tax returns from 2007 and 2008, fill out duplicate and triplicate copies of various other forms. Some of these documents had to be notarized so it's a good thing that I work with a notary!

Serious Life Magazine and Paperwork

2009-03-11T22:16:00.002-05:00

I am knee deep in paper work to accept Brandon's referral. We are still waiting for the paperwork that will be mailed to us from Holt, hopefully tomorrow. My goal is to get everything filled in, copied and notarized before the weekend. If I could mail things out on Friday that would be amazing!

I also wanted you to know about this publication I am a part of called Serious Life Magazine. I blogged about it in February and they just published the March issue today, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory. It is a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.

The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/). The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics.

Please take a couple minutes and check it out,www.seriouslifemagazine.com !

Thanks!

Introducing Brandon Hye-seong Marshall

2009-03-09T12:53:00.018-05:00

I just got word that we are OFFICIALLY matched with our little man. It is my pleasure to introduce you to my son, Brandon Hye-seong!

He was born August 18, 2008 so he is almost 7 months old (I love his birth date 08-18-08 but then again I am a dorky numbers person)! We are still in shock as we weren't expecting a referral until the fall of this year. The reason we got matched so early is because we were open to babies with minor medical conditions, Holt calls this the Waiting Child Program. He was exposed to tobacco use in the womb and, at some point, got a broken left arm. The arm is the only remaining issue for him as he still has some range of motion limitations as well as weakness in that arm since his cast has been taken off.

Our doctor, Dr. Kolb at Boys Town, says that he may need physical therapy to regain full use of his arm. He also said that, if the growth plate is involved, Brandon may have some permanent weakness in his arm and possible differences in length between his left and right arm.

So, now we start the long wait for our travel call. We will not be traveling so Brandon will be escorted to the USA, hopefully to the Omaha airport! We don't know exactly when this will be but it should be 3-6 months from now, we are hoping it will be before his 1st birthday. That would mean he would come home sometime between June and September. We weren't even expecting our referral until October so that is just amazing!

God is awesome!

Thank you all for supporting us on the journey, we appreciate all your prayers and comments!

It's a boy!!!

2009-03-06T12:48:00.002-06:00

It isn't completely final yet but we have a baby boy from Korea! We are still in shock! :-). He was a Waiting Child but he is perfectly healthy!

God is awesome!!

More details later!

We need your help

2009-02-26T21:43:00.003-06:00

The current tax credit is set to expire in December 2010. This is a credit that has helped many families afford to adopt. It is a credit that will help us adopt, we hope!

Could you please take a few minutes of your time to call, write or email your Senator or Representative about H.R. 213.

We have to take action to allow families, like us, to afford the expenses of adoption. These children need us!

This could affect many families who have a desire to adopt in the future. Click on the button above to find links to find out how you can contact your representatives!

Thank you!

I600A trouble

2009-02-26T10:51:00.001-06:00

Yesterday we got our I600A application back in the mail. The day after I sent it in the bank called to let me know that, instead of an $830 check, they gave me an $850 check. I figured it would not be a big deal, USCIS could just keep the extra $20. Well, I figured wrong!

Patrick got a new check today (for the correct amount) and I mailed out the forms. The Nebraska USCIS office takes about 6 weeks after they get your application to invite you in for finger printing. After they get them it takes about 6 more weeks to get approved. So we should get our I600A approval by the beginning of May.

This shouldn't be a big deal as we are not expecting a referral until later this year although we are praying for a faster referral. If you could, please continue to pray for patience for us, it is a long wait and we are so ready to be parents.

Please also continue to pray for baby Joel and his family, they have been on such a roller coaster since he was born and they really need our prayers.

Dilated pupils + a very sunny day = OUCH!

2009-02-10T20:36:00.004-06:00

I had an appointment with the eye doctor today and he dilated my eyes. I had walked to my appointment since it was a beautiful sunny day, notice I said sunny day. On the walk home, even with sun glasses on, I couldn't see anything! If I saw you on my way home and didn't acknowledge you, I'm sorry. I got home and had to lay down in my darkened bedroom and felt much better. I also got to take a little nap too! :)

I talked with the Waiting Child program today at Holt. This is the program for children with some sort of health problem that can't go through the normal adoption process. We are open to some health conditions as some are fixable or not too severe. The WC person said that, since we are home study ready (i.e. our home study is complete), they will call us when there are children available who meet our criteria. So, we will see if anything comes from that.

On a side note, we are planning a vacation to Florida! Patrick's good friend JM is getting married on Saint George Island in May and we are traveling down for it. Our awesome friends, the Erde's, live near Tallahassee and we will get to see them while we are there! I need to call Tamra to work out the details but cannot wait to see all of them again. They were our next door neighbors at seminary and are an amazing family! We really miss living close by and haven't seen them since January of 2006. Tamra flew all the way here for Madelyn's memorial service and is just an amazing woman of God!

I haven't updated about them in a while but our friends Nick and Janell had baby Joel on January 30th. Joel is very sick and had heart surgery today. The updates we have recieved have been good so we just ask for continued prayers for baby Joel and for his parents, doctors nurses and all caregivers. We just ask for Gods blessing upon baby Joel, that He would strenghten Joel and heal him.

Look how cute!

2009-02-04T23:22:00.012-06:00

I recently found the cutest artwork for the babies room.

Look!

Before we had Madelyn we had the room almost ready but had nothing on the brand new, dry-walled, Pooh Bear Yellow painted walls. I found these at Target and just fell in love. I can't wait to hang them in the room!

Check out the adoption timeline on the right side bar!

Serious Life Magazine

2009-02-02T03:32:00.002-06:00

I wanted you to know about this publication I am a part of called Serious Life Magazine. They just published the February issue today, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory. It is a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.

The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/). The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics.

Again, the subscription is free, and I know you’ll enjoy the magazine, so take a minute to check it out and sign up to get future issues. http://www.seriouslifemagazine.com/

There's no place like home

2009-01-31T12:01:00.006-06:00

Well, I finally made it back home on Thursday night! I worked yesterday and my boss was very happy I was back. Last night Patrick and I went to Sam's club and we found this awesome deal on car seats so we bought 2! Yes, that is right, we bought car seats about a year ahead of time...what can I say, I like to be prepared! :) It makes me happy to start buying things for this baby, although part of me worries that other people will think I am crazy!

I plan on posting a timeline of events thus far but I am sick today and have no energy. This always happens when I fly back to PA. I think part of it is the airplane and all the germs and the other part is that I don't get a lot of rest while I am there. I woke up today and just felt horrible. I am still in my PJ's and I plan to stay in them for a while.

Snowed in!

2009-01-28T10:59:00.004-06:00

UPDATE: Baby Harper is off of her respirator and is eating from a bottle!!!!! Praise God!!!! If you want to follow her story, click on the "Praying for Harper" on the left.

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I should be waiting to board my flight at Philadelphia International Airport but, instead, I am sitting in my parents dining room writing a blog entry. I woke up this morning, all packed and ready to go, only to discover that my flight was cancelled. When I called, the guy on the other end of the line informed me that the 2 remaining flights for the day were uncertain and it would probably be in my best interest to re-book for tomorrow. So we will try to do this again tomorrow. Stupid snow and ice! It is nice to get one more day with my mom but I miss my husband and my kitty cats. Plus I was supposed to work tomorrow.

Oh well, since I cannot control the weather I will just go with it and enjoy!

Since I have been home I have been talking about the adoption a lot, filing in everyone on our progress...they should just read my blog but that is OK! I am so excited to find out who this little baby is that God has picked out for us! I am so excited to be a mom. I found these cute little books for the baby and I bought them. They are called God's Little Zoo and teach about manners, morals, etc. I couldn't help myself, I can't wait to read and snuggle with my little one!

Please pray today for all those out on the icy roads, for my baby and his/her birth mother, patience for Patrick and me as we wait to be matched, safe travels for me tomorrow and still prayers for baby Harper. She is doing so much better but still needs our prayers!

On the wait strip

2009-01-21T21:24:00.005-06:00

I booked my flight to go home for Dyana's funeral. I fly out tomorrow and arrive in Philly at 8:40pm. In order to get a good price on a ticket back here I will have to stay until Wednesday. My mom paid for my ticket, thanks mom!!

On the adoption front we have made great progress! I am waiting on the letter from Holt and then Patrick will mail in the supporting documentation for the grant from Shaohannah. All the paperwork needs to be in by Tuesday, 1/27 so hopefully the letter will come in the mail tomorrow!

And, as of January 6, 2009 we are OFFICIALLY on the wait list. Our home study will stay at headquarters in Oregon until Holt Korea asks for it. I have made two "friends" on a board for Adoption, Nancy and Christina. They both live in NJ and are adopting from Korea through Holt. Christina's log in date is about 4 months ahead of ours and Nancy's date is one week after our. So, since they usually match one month at a time, Nancy and I should get our referrals at the same time!

I am now signed up to get the Holt updates by email and so I should be getting more information about dates they are working on currently. I like that I will be able to tell when we are getting closer!

I am starting to look into fundraisers to help subsidize the cost of the adoption. If any of you have any suggestions I would love to hear them!

Prayer requests this week: for my safe travels to and from PA, for our little baby and his/her birth mother, for Harper a 4 day old little baby with pneumonia, for the family and friends of Dyana, for my husband as he stays home alone for the next week.

Please pray for a dear friend

2009-01-20T20:36:00.005-06:00

I know I don't have a very big following on my blog yet but, for those of you reading this, please pray for the family of Dyana (Sanders) Roberts. Dyana passed away Monday night at the age of 31. She leaves behind an 11-year old daughter (Marina), her husband (Joel), her parents, her sister and so many friends who just thought the world of her. Please pray for all of her friends and family during this difficult time.

From her husband, Joel:

Dyana had complications with her surgery and was not able to get enough oxygen. They put her on oxygen, but she was struggling to breathe. Yesterday they put her on a ventilator to help her breathe.

She had fluid around her heart and they attempted to remove 150 CCs of fluid. Dyana went into cardiac arrest and was revived 3 times. Her heart kept stopping and they did everything they could for an hour to bring her back, but her lungs and heart were just too strained. There was nothing else that they could do and Dyana passed away around 7 pm Monday night, 1/19. We are all really a mess right now, but have a lot of friends and family giving us support.

We are having a memorial service for Dyana at:
Founds Funeral Home
229 S High St
West Chester, PA
At 2:30pm on Friday 1/23

Please pray for our friends!

2009-01-13T10:34:00.003-06:00

Our friends, Nick and Janelle, are expecting their second son, Joel. Joel has been diagnosed with many health problems and Nick and Janelle have been told that these problems are pretty bad. They will be traveling soon from Pensacola up to Atlanta, GA where Janelle will deliver baby Joel. Please pray that God would heal Joel, that He would be with Nick, Janelle and their whole family during this difficult time, and that they would travel safely to Atlanta. I am devastated for them and pray that they would feel God's peace during this time.

PIP I, II, III and IV

2009-01-10T20:00:00.004-06:00

Patrick and I completed 4 of the 5 PIP (Parenting in Progress) classes we need to take before we are matched with our baby. The classes were supposed to be yesterday and today from 9:00am to 3:00pm in Omaha. (For those who know me well, 9:00am on a Saturday morning HURTS!) I say supposed to because we got done at 2 yesterday and at noon today. All in all, it was a good class. We talked a lot about our baby and the adjustments that they will have to make when they come here. We learned the importance of talking with our baby about their Korean heritage and watched videos of kids who have been adopted. It gave me some things to think about and gave us some good references to go forward with.

I pray that God would give us the right words to say and things to do to help our baby be well adjusted and have a good sense of self. I also pray that God would shield our baby and us from all the "well-meaning" people who may say hurtful things about/to us, our baby or the adoption. Before anyone asks, no, we haven't gotten any yet but just want to be prepared for the future.

We were in the class with 2 other couples so it was a small class. I was hoping to meet another couple that was adopting from Korea, but we didn't. The one couple is doing China's Child of Promise program and the other is adopting from Ethiopia.

Yesterday I was so tired after the class that I took at 3.5 hour nap when we got home. I was sure that would mess me up at night but I was able to go to sleep last night with no problems. Guess I just needed a little extra rest.

I still need to get the I600A paper work in the mail and get some supporting documents to a grant organization I applied to, we plan to do most of that tomorrow. So, hopefully early to mid next week I will have some more adoption milestones completed!

My friends Sharon and Aric are also in the process of adopting a baby in the US. If you could, I would just ask for prayers for them during this time. That they would find things to occupy their time as they wait for an expectant mother to pick them to be the parents of her baby.

Thank you all for caring about us and for being with us on this journey.

Dear Holt Family

2008-12-23T22:13:00.003-06:00

That is how the letter we received in the mail today began. It went on to say that they are pleased to inform us that our home study has been approved and sent to Holt headquarters today! After it is reviewed there, it will then be sent to Korea and we will be placed on the list of families waiting for a match!!!! I am beyond excited!!!!!

This is so much earlier than I had thought it would be. God is good! The last I had heard, the home study wouldn't be complete until after we took the classes January 9th and 10th but now, it was sent today and will hopefully get to Korea at the beginning of the year! I just know that God's hand is on this and that the timing is all His doing because of the special little baby He has picked out for us! I can't wait to see how this all works out, all for His glory!

I am not very good at expressing my thoughts and feelings. I read a lot of other blogs and they write so eloquently and beautifully and I feel that my blog just pales in comparison. I know I shouldn't compare myself to them but...that's what I do best.

So, the next step is to complete the I-600A, Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition and send it to the Department of Homeland Security (US Citizenship and Immigration Services). After they get all our paperwork (copies of birth certificates and marriage license) then we need to go in for another set of fingerprints.

After this set of paperwork is in the mail, I will then start to pursue the adoption grants that are out there. The Holt website has list of them and a lot of them are Christian based. There is also an organization that offers interest free loans so I think I will try to secure that in case we need it. I know God will give us what we need to get through this time, physically, emotionally and financially! He always gives us what we need when we need it.

So for tonight I am beyond excited that this is moving forward and we are one step closer to getting matched with our baby! This is a great Christmas present! Although it's a long shot, maybe I can hope to be holding my little one in my arms next Christmas (like I said it is a VERY long shot but all things are possible with God!)

Merry Christmas!!!

One step forward...

2008-12-12T14:35:00.002-06:00

The second home visit went well yesterday. Bonnie actually got a rough draft of the home study done so we were able to review that and it looked great. We have to fill out a few forms about medical conditions we would accept and then send them in to Holt. We will need to wait until we take the PIP classes in January (9th and 10th) and then she can send in our home study. I am a little disappointed by the wait but I have to keep reminding myself that God has a plan here and, I have to trust His timing.

If you want to know where to focus your thoughts and prayers it would be for me to have more patience and also that God would send us boy/girl twins! :)

One step closer

2008-12-09T21:17:00.005-06:00

We had our first home visit with our social worker, Bonnie, today. It went well and only lasted 2 hours. She basically just sat down with us in the living room and went over the 16 pages of questions each of us had to fill out and clarify some information and go over the process. She will come back on Thursday because she is require to do 2 home visits and at that point we will go over some more information and give her a tour of the house.

Then, over the next couple of weeks we will be in contact via phone if she has any more questions as she writes out the home study. We get to review the rough draft before she sends it on to Korea. After it is submitted we get in line and WAIT! As we get closer to being matched we can have Bonnie check on our place in line and, once we get matched it will still be another 4-6 months before all the paper work is ready and our baby can fly here. She said that we will get the travel call and then it is only a matter of days before our baby is on a plane and in our waiting arms. It will be a year (or more) until that happens, so we need to find things to occupy our time (inexpensive things that is)!

Once our home study is complete then I can start applying for grants and loans to help pay for the adoption. I am hoping to qualify for at least one other grant besides the one that Patrick's work will give us. We do get a refund from the IRS but cannot file for it until the tax year that the adoption is complete. So most likely by April of 2011 we will get the refund. That seems like FOREVER from now! As always I appreciate your prayers and thank you for following along with us on the journey.

I know some of my blog readers but would love to know who is popping in from time to time. Leave me a message and let me know! OK, I am going to head towards my bed in the hopes of a good night of sleep!

I'm not perfect...

2008-12-08T22:29:00.003-06:00

...and neither is my house. But it does look cute and organized! I am tired and have been working for hours to get the house ready for the 1st home visit tomorrow. My 10 year old neighbor, Anna, came over and helped me decorate the house for Christmas. She is such an amazingly mature 10 year old. It is snowing outside but we aren't supposed to get too much accumulation so hopefully everything will still be on for tomorrow. OK, I just wanted to update you on my progress. I will post more after the visit tomorrow.

Our home visits!

2008-12-01T20:20:00.001-06:00

I was just sitting around watching TV tonight when I got a call from our social worker, Bonnie! Our home visits are scheduled for next week. The first is on Tuesday the 9th @ 9:30am and the second on Thursday the 11th @ 9:30am! YEAH!! I am so nervous now, I totally need to clean my house! I am so excited!!!

Advent

2008-11-30T22:47:00.004-06:00

I don't have any new information to post but thought I would let you know what I have been thinking about lately. We are now officially in the season of Advent where we wait for the birth of Jesus on Christmas Day. I LOVE Christmas and always seem to overlook the season of Advent in favor of focusing on Christmas and the joy of that day!

In a lot of ways this adoption is just like that. I would love to just overlook the next year of waiting for the birth of a child, of my child. I would love to just get to the good part and have our child with us. I know that I need to wait, I have no choice but it will be very hard for me. Even just waiting now to hear back from the social worker to schedule our home visit is difficult for me.

Please pray for my patience, that God gives me more and helps me to get through this season of Advent in my life. And please pray for the woman who will give us the best gift ever. I think about her sometimes and hope that God gives her comfort during this time and keeps her healthy and safe! Thank you for your prayers!

Practicing patience

2008-11-19T22:48:00.003-06:00

I am home from my 2 week vacation and I am sick. It started last Friday with just a throat thing and some aches. I thought I was on the mend but I think the airplane ride home brought it right back and I felt so sick today. I also had a stomach thing on top of the nasty throat pain. I hope that I feel better in the morning. This will be a short post tonight but I wanted to let you all know what is going on.

I talked with Jennifer at Holt today and she said that she has everything she needs except one of our referrals and our medical forms. I knew that she didn't have our medical forms because I just went in this morning to get the TB test. I will go back on Friday morning for them to read the results so they should be able to mail it in that day. So, hopefully our last referral will send in their paperwork soon and maybe, early next week, we will get our home visits scheduled. I know that this wait will be nothing compared to once our home study is complete and sent to Korea so I am trying to be patient.

Please continue to pray that God will keep us patient throughout this process and that He will be with our babies birth mother during this time and keep our baby safe. I am so excited that I have readers of my blog! Thanks to all of you for caring for us and being their with us through this awesome time!

Phase 3 update

2008-11-06T15:30:00.003-06:00

I am currently on a 2 week vacation in PA visiting my friends and family! I am so excited to be here and am really enjoying myself so far. Patrick will join me on the 11th and then we go home together on the 18th!

Before I left home I accomplished great things with my adoption paperwork...I finished all 16 pages of my home study questions! Patrick is about 1/2 done his and our plan is to mail it out on Monday! I think we will then get our home visits scheduled but I'm not 100% sure.

We also both went and got our physicals done and are happy to report that we are both HIV negative (not that we had any doubts). Patrick is negative for TB but I will have to get my test done when I get back. It needs to be in your skin for 48 hours so they can measure any reaction you might have. So, things are moving forward and I am still excited about the whole thing.

I'm sure there will be a lull in all the excitement as we wait for almost a year to even get matched but I hope time goes fast and God gives us patience as we wait for our little one. I did the math and our little one could be conceived anytime now! It's neat to think that our little baby could be entering this world as I type.

OK, back to family fun!

We're in Phase 3!

2008-11-01T22:54:00.003-05:00

Whew! I am so tired...I have been working on my personal data information form for our adoption for over 2 hours and I only am on page 10 of 16! I am calling it a night and I hope to finish the rest of the questions tomorrow. So far I have had to discuss my parents marriage and my views on adoption as well as my physical and mental health (no comments please). I know I have at least one reader (thanks Kendal!) so I will continue to ask for prayers for this adoption. We also found out yesterday that our references got their paper work in the mail and I pray for them as they answer the reference questions that they have received. I just pray for whoever it is that will give us a baby, prayers for strength and good health. I know that this little baby that will come into our lives may have already been conceived and it gives me goose bumps to think about! I'm sorry I am rambling tonight but my brain is just fried from all the questions. As I have said before...I hate writing my feelings down and this paperwork is pages and pages of just that!

It's raining...but I'm excited

2008-10-21T21:36:00.005-05:00

We just finished all of the preliminary paperwork to start our home study including the first $2,500 check! We had to have something notarized (thanks Linda) and something witnessed (thanks Eric) as well as recall every address each of us has lived at for the past 20 years! Whew!

We are done this first batch and apparently this is the easy set...next up is the lengthy short essay questions for the home study. I am excited.

I am just so relaxed now that I am not worrying about whether I am pregnant or not...no ultrasounds, clomid, ovulation tests, blood work etc for the near future. We do plan on trying again once we have adopted a little one but I think that it will not be the sole focus of our lives since we will have a little one to take care of/worry about.

We are mailing all of this in tomorrow so we should get the rest of the paperwork soon to start! Sill praying for God's will in all of this, I know that the "right" baby will come to us!

My husband doesn't actually think I will do this...

2008-10-15T20:43:00.006-05:00

My husband doesn't think that I will successfully keep up a blog about our lives. I have tried 2 times before this and have failed. Well...maybe the third time is the charm. I'm not even sure if anyone will read this but I think it will be a good way for us to remember this journey that we are on. Two weeks ago we submitted our application to Holt International to begin the adoption process! We are so excited to be working toward something positive.

For those who don't know we had a baby girl back in August 2006. Her name was Madelyn Rose and she was born at 37 weeks after a very long labor that resulted in a c-section. Everything went from happy to absolutely devastating the moment she was born. She had very serious birth defects which were the result of a genetic condition called Pfeiffer Syndrome Type II. She was whisked away to the NICU while I was being sewn up. About 3 hours after her birth and a very negative CAT scan of her brain (she had very little brain tissue), Patrick and I made the hardest decision of our lives and removed her from the ventilator. We took her back to our room and held her until she passed away the next morning.

It was a very hard recovery process both mentally and physically and a year later we found out that we were expecting another little one. Around 7 weeks I started spotting and went into my doctor's office "just to be safe". I had an ultrasound and they could see no baby, just a mass of cells. Again the wind was knocked out of me and time just blurred together as we started talking about mutant cells, cancer and a D&C. I had my D&C on Patrick's 29th birthday and waited anxiously for the results. They came back in a couple weeks as a Partial Molar Pregnancy which is where 2 sperm fertilized one egg at exactly the same time. It results in 3 sets of genetic material which is why the cells went crazy. I had to monitor my levels until they went to zero and then we had to wait 6 months from then to try to get pregnant again.

We started trying again in May but have still had no luck. There isn't anything wrong with either of us and we are still within the normal time frame for the "average" couple to get pregnant so you may wonder why we are adopting. The biggest reason is that we both always knew that we would adopt, we knew before we got married that adoption would be part of our family plan. What we didn't know was the timing of when we would adopt. We thought it would be after we had our biological children, but God had other plans.

So, on Monday evening 9/29 I submitted our online application to Holt. After Maddie died both Patrick and I started to see a counselor (she is just amazing) and it has helped us so much. Well, apparently Korea is a little sensitive to the counseling thing so we needed to get a letter from our counselor before we could be accepted into the program. She submitted that on 10/9 and I got a phone call from Don with Holt in Omaha and he said that we were ready to start.

We just got our packet in the mail today for the background checks and now we need to get copies of our birth certificates and marriage license and get our finger prints taken by the state police. The background check will take 4-6 weeks and, in the mean time, we will start our paperwork for the home study. The guidelines say the whole process takes 17-20 months from the time you submit your application to the time the child arrives home. So...maybe early 2010 we will be blessed with a healthy little one (or two) from Korea. We are willing to accept a sibling group and hope for twins!

If you could, I would just ask you to pray for us during this time.

Hello...I'm new here.

2008-07-28T21:39:00.005-05:00

Welcome to my blog!

I have never done this before and I really don't like putting my feelings down on paper, but I feel like I need to do this. In the coming posts I will share the story of my life thus far. For now I will leave you with a song that I believe God's uses to remind me that He is ALWAYS there.

Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God

I am the Lord who healeth thee
I am the Lord who healeth thee
I am the Lord who healeth thee

In thee oh Lord do I put my trust
In thee oh Lord do I put my trust
In thee oh Lord do I put my trust

Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God